The Soul Chooses Her Own Society - On Her Birthday!

 

Dear Friends Who Wish To Take Me to Lunch On My Birthday - 
It is almost 4 pm and I am still very happily in my flannel nightgown.  I neeeeeed this time alone, I think. Very badly.  My husband and son come back tomorrow afternoon.  My brother is descending upon me as well. And before you know it, my 16 year old daughter will be home from summer camp and I'll always have to have one eye on the clock thinking about where she is and when she is supposed to be home. So as much as I really would love to lunch with you ladies, especially on my b-day, I am going to have to ask you to please excuse me.  My birthday present to myself is going to be a little more precious solitude.  My karma will probably be one day to be living alone 24/7 and crave company.  But right now it is a rare treat to feel the peace of silence. 
Ruth, I am looking forward to reconnecting with you.  And Ellen, time spent with you is always a delight. Thanks again for the lovely birthday gift of the Jonathan Franzen lecture.  It was a special and memorable evening.
Both of you enjoy your day tomorrow.  I will be thinking of you. I appreciate you both being willing to open your arms to include me at your lunch table and look forward to joining you next time.  Thank you and enjoy.

Save Money, Save Face - Exfoliate Like a Man!

Oh those guys! They're so smart.  And they don't share. Nope. They've kept the secret to themselves. Until now. You know men's faces are always so smooth and shiny? Here's why.  They shave every day.  Women spend thousands of dollars on microdermabrasion, chemical peels, lasers and goodness knows what else. Oh yeah, I remembered: masks, scrubs, facials.  Why?  To get that glowing youthful look men get with a 99 cent plastic razor and some $1.99 shaving cream. So try it. Having real stubble is not a prerequisite. Do it for the afterglow. My dermatologist told me about this. It works.  I nicked myself shaving at first but I'm good at it now. My dermatologist said that one of her colleagues has his women patients shave daily.  Once a week is fine. Why not give it a try? Every guy over the age of 12 can scrape a razor across his visage. You can too. Please let me know about your results!

Hey Betty Friedan, The Problem Has a Name!

 
The lynch pin in uber feminist author Betty Friedan's "The Feminine Mystique" was the mysterious "Problem That Had No Name."  The Problem That Had No Name stole in like a vampire and siphoned the life out of older housewives back in the 1960s.. So therefore, Ms. Friedan reasoned, they must be in want of a job. Well, I got news for you Ms. Friedan. The problem has a name. A couple of'em. Try Empty Nester. Or how about just aging? One day you've got this teeming household full of kids and pets, with sports games, PTA, piano lessons, orthodontist appointments. There are birthday parties to plan and holiday meals with the grandparents. Then it's over.  The pets die. The grandparents die, or maybe just one. The other is senile and in a home. The kids are gone. You're alone except for...who is that old guy over there?  Yikes, it's my husband. And haven't you looked in the mirror lately?  You're looking a tad long in the tooth yourself. Beg to differ, Ms. Friedan if you can read this from the other side now that you too have made the climb to the cemetery in Grover's Corners. The problem has a name and no job will help fill the emptiness of what was once brimful. Like overcooked spinach, it's bitter and I say the hell with it.